Child Emotions

When children hear this message it is assumed that other emotions such as sadness, frustration and anger are not acceptable. The MOST important thing we need to do is to teach our children to be resilient by teaching them to accept all their feelings and help them understand why they have feelings and what they can learn from them.

The problem we have in our society is that we have evolved to think more and FEEL LESS.

Neuroscientists have studied the evolutionary development of the human brain and have found that the ability to feel emotion evolved millions of years before the ability to think.

My observations and experiences with children

I asked an 8 yr old girl to draw and name her feelings. She labelled sadness as depression.

This girl was NOT depressed, she was feeling normal sadness.

A 15 yr old boy told me that he has bi-polar disorder because sometimes he feels really happy and other times he feels really sad. This is NOT bi-polar, this is normal.

Feelings are necessary for survival. They tell us when we are in danger, when to run, when to fight and what is worth fighting for.

Feelings are our body’s way of communicating with us and driving us to action.

KEY EMOTIONS and what they are trying to tell us

FEAR – tells us to escape and keep safe

CURIOSITY – drives us to explore and learn

LOVE – drives us to care and protect each other

ANGER – pushes us to fight back and protect ourselves

HURT – pushes us to correct a situation

SADNESS – tells us we have lost something important, shows we care

EVERY FEELING OR EMOTION HAS A PURPOSE TO FEEL IS TO BE HUMAN

Feelings are as normal part of everyday life as hunger and thirst, as brushing our teeth and doing our homework.

We do ourselves and our children a great dis-service in trying to be happy all the time.

12 yr old boy couldn’t handle his heart racing because this resulted in fear that bad things might happen. The only way he could calm down was to hold his mother’s hand. I taught this child that his heart racing doesn’t necessarily mean that bad things are going to happen. Heart racing can also mean that good things are about to happen. I also explore where this fear has come from, what event has happened in this child life to create this fear.

As parents. grandparents and teachers we need to create a safe environment for children to express their feelings and we can help them to understand and manage them better.

When you see that your child is sad. let them know that you see their sadness. Acknowledge and validate. It’s ok to cry and be sad right now, because it shows that you care. Let your child feel the body sensations connected to their feelings. If they tremble and shake then let them do this as this is the body’s natural response to release stress from the body.

When you see that your child is angry, they are still a good person if they are angry, their anger is there for a reason. They could be angry because mum or dad don’t give them what they want. ln this case you can remind your child that we agreed on a set computer time and getting upset won’t make me change my mind because I know what is best for you.

If your child cannot understand that their feelings have a purpose then it is our job as adults to guide them gently into understanding and acknowledging that feelings have an important purpose in their life.

Life is about accepting and experiencing all feelings and knowing that we can cope when life gets tough.

Our role as parents, grandparents and teachers is to train little managers. These little managers will grow up to be strong resilient adults.